I spend a lot of my time in deep thought, although some of my thoughts are ridiculously ridiculous. Sometimes my emotions collide with my thoughts, and make them unspeakable. It isn't that I don't want to say what I am thinking, I just can't. It is like when you have a dream and you remember what it was about, what it felt like, and what it looked like, but you can't describe it. Most of my thoughts are just plain confuffling.... even if I could tell you, I don't think you would really understand. I realise that I am telling you my thoughts as I blog, but it isn't quite the same. I'm talking real deep thoughts that I don't even understand. I find it crazy that God understands me more than I understand myself. Sometimes I feel like reading God's mind, but I think there are some things we just shouldn't know, even if it is about ourselves. Our brains block out certain things, and some of the stuff it blocks out can seem so meaningless. Every now and then a memory just randomly pops into my head because something had reminded me of this memory. It just appears out of no where, and suddenly I remember, and all I think is "Huh?". Some thoughts and memories just don't make sense at all... I tend to wonder why my brain would have blocked something so insignificant out, and why I would remember this thought later on. I mean like there are so many things that I have remembered of my past recently that are significant, and I think "Wow ok, that makes more sense now"... like when I remembered that my Dad used to tell me that if I didn't stop chucking tantrums he would take me to the doctors... For a long time I had wondered why I felt so mental, and then suddenly something triggered that lost thought of what Dad had said to me, and it made sense that it was why I felt mental.
Our past and present changes the way we think... it is influenced by the people around us. I'm an impressionable person... and I think most people are actually... I notice it more than others I know though. I tend to be like people that I am around, when I spend a lot of time with them or know them well. Rob and I are two very different people, but I know that in the past 3 and a half years, we have spent a lot of time with each other and I have noticed that some of my mannerisms are the same as his. I think like him a little bit more, I like having the same interests. I find him predictable too, because I know him so well, and I like that. Yes, it has even gotten to the stage where I can finish his sentences. Bec and I used to do that a lot when we were little, we used to say that we could read each other's minds. Minds make me feel 'Mind blown' ;) They are confuffling by wonderful.
Hehe, and notice I wrote this post to get you thinking!
Love, -E-
xoxo
