Happy New year...

Hi.... well it's 2013. I haven't written in a while, but much is still the same.

Rob started work at MBRC on the 7th of Jan... all is going well there. He is doing mapping stuff... kind of boring, but it is giving him experience, and it is paying well.

I also started back at Birralee Childcare on the 7th. I was pretty excited about going back, although I was expecting there to be a bit of crying... but I certainly didn't expect the constant screaming! I joined Birralee Childcare mid last year, so the babies then were mostly settled and happy. The new babies at work now aren't settled, and most of them scream for the whole 2 hours that I'm there. I pretty much have no time to do my jobs, because I have to constantly be holding the babies so that they calm down. We can't keep them inside because they wake up the other children in the center having a rest, but having them outside is worrying because the neighbors surely must think we are torturing the babies. The heat and humidity on top of all this makes it 10 times worse. Vanessa hasn't exactly been happy with me lately either. She sort of expects me to be able to get my jobs done, but I can't because she also expects me to hold the babies. I can't do anything right. Sometimes she is alright, she and I have had some good conversations, but she is usually stressed and can't handle everything so well. Her ex took her 5 year old child away just before Christmas, and she has been stressed ever since. I sort of don't know what to do. I'm trying to be as positive as possible, but her stress is making me stressed.
I'm also going to physio a lot. Work has been painful physically, and to be honest I'm doubting that I'm fit for this job. I've been thinking about becoming a Nanny, but I don't have a car... even if the family was close by, most people require you to do school drop off and pick up. The hours are tricky to figure out too, as well as the pay. Unfortunately I'm too stressed to work full time at Birralee (not that they have vacancies anyway), but I need money. I guess I figured that although being a Nanny would be full time, it would be less trouble, and the only boss I would have would be the parents. I wouldn't have to be picking up babies all the time etc. Alas, I don't know what to do. I can't figure it out.

So yeah, pretty stressed right now. I'm so thankful that I'm on full anti-depressants now. They have made me happier. I can't imagine what I would be like off them.

Appart from work and stress, i'm still sick. My sore throat is still constant , and I have no idea what God is doing with that. I would really appreciate being healed. Prayer doesn't seem to work though... I dunno *sigh*. Such is life.


Meh anyway. I am just going with it at the moment, not much I can do....

 

The Huntsmasn lives..... gasp!

SO on Saturday Night I was out for a while, and when I came home, I decided to go on the computer and this HUGE huntsman was on the wall. I went straight to the kitchen to get the bug spray! So I sprayed it thoroughly from a distance and it ran behind the curtain. I had no idea where it was going to go, so I hesitantly left it. I sat down on the computer chair and tucked my feet up just in case.

About half an hour later, Matt comes home and sees the spider further along the wall. I couldn't believe that it was still alive. SO Matt drenches it in bug spray until it turns white and starts shriveling up (as they do)... but it was STILL alive. Matt ended up getting a stick and squashing it into the wall. He then scraped it onto a piece of paper and through it out.


EEEEEEEEEEK

My hair!

 Just for random sake. This is my new-ish hair colour, and a pretty braid in my hair.

I have actually had this hair colour for a couple of weeks. It isn't permanent and it is much lighter than it was. It is apparently auburn. You probably can't see it in the light anyway, but I think it's pretty :)



<<< posing

                                                                               





                                                                            The braid >>>

<<< Posing again.










p.s. My mum did the braid :)  <3

Oh, hello again.

Soooo, yeah. I'm back again. Don't know how long for.
I feel less motivation to write when no one really reads my blog...not that Rob and Katrina are "no ones"... but I see Rob nearly every day in a week, and Katrina every Sunday (and Tuesday when GB is on). Sometimes it feels pointless writing when two important people in my life nearly always hear my complaints etc before I blog. When I started this blog I was a depressed person, full of emotions and feelings that I wanted to share, but really didn't know who to share them with. In a way, I guess my blogging really helped me during those times.
I suppose this blog isn't completely useless, I'm writing what I'm feeling now aren't I? So anyhow, I guess we'll see where it leads me. I may or may not be back tomorrow.

Here is an update on my life at the moment....
For a long time I was feeling really empty. Particularly in the past few months. I keep finding myself really busy and stressed over little things. I'm now on full dose anti-depressants... really I'm just taking two mild ones to make a full one... I haven't told my doctor yet, but I promise I will. I was too scared to ask him about it, so I just went for it. They probably wont kick in for another couple of weeks, but so far so good. I am feeling a lot better. I can deal with problems easier. Stress is still there, but drugs can't fix everything. They do help though, and I am more motivated for life than I was before.
This day last week, I found out some amazing news. Rob came over to my house to spend time with me. We were still trying to decide what to do, so I decided to play the piano (as you do). Then I hear Rob's phone ringing, and Rob dash out with it. I finished the song I was playing then waited. My first thought was that it was his work (pizza hut) calling, and I was desperately hoping that he would say no to going in to work. Then I got a little anxious, because he was on the phone for longer than if it was just work calling. My thoughts turned to "emergency" and "uh oh, whats happened, hurry up and get off your phone Rob!". Nek minute he comes in with a serious look on his face, but it wasn't an "emergency" look on his face. He looked like he was trying to hide a smile, but it was hidden by more of a nervous look... it's hard to explain... He asked me to sit down with him on the couch, which got me super confused and anxious, and then he FINALLY said what the phone call was about!!!!! ...................................................................suspense...............................................................
(hehe, sorry I just wanted you to feel suspense too... although if it is only Katrina reading this then she already knows what this is about... Hi Katrina!!!)
........ Where were we.... oh yeah..... So Rob just blurts out that he had just been accepted into an internship. I was nearly in tears, and I'm pretty sure I squeezed Rob like a lemon, but I was soooo happy!!!!
Just a bit of B.I.... When Rob proposed to me, I was really excited obviously, and we started thinking about wedding plans. We decided that Rob would probably have an internship by the end of 2012, and by 2013 we should be able to get married. That kind of all slowly went downhill. There seemed to be no signs of an internship, and a couple of months ago Rob was looking through his subjects and realised that there were some hidden that he didn't see earlier.... which put his grad further back to mid 2014. I was disappointed to hear it, and even more disappointed when I realised that it was less likely for him to get an internship this far away from grad.
During the past months I have been quite fed up with people asking when the wedding is. I don't blame them for asking, because this is a long engagement, but it was still annoying!

So yeah.... SUPER SUPER SUPER happy now. Wedding is possibly the end of next year.

Last week I also had some amazing news, that I was accepted to go on a week trip to PNG next year with a group of ladies (the "She is..." crew). Next year is going to be huge, and I need to save a heap of money, but I have no doubt that God will provide. I found out this Monday that Mum can also come on the trip. I'm sure I will write more about that another time.

But yeah, for now, life is mostly good. I'm enjoying work and also getting in the Christmas spirit.
Ooh yeah, and more good news, I only had physio once this week! Hooray! lol, I don't know if that means much, but I'm hoping I can keep up my exercises and good manual handling techniques, so that my back feels better and better each day :)
In general health, I still have my sore throat. I have a cold at the moment, and my stomach sickness is pretty much out of the picture most of the time. Woop!

Until next time, I bid you farewell!  

Running out of things to say

Yeah, so I have no idea what to say. Life is ok. Much the same.

Hello Blog

So it turns out I haven't posted since the 31st of July. I guess I haven't really felt like writing much lately.

So much has happened over the past few months. I went on Ladies camp in August, as well as State Conference for GB... in September I went on a week cruise to Noumea, Lifou, and Vanuatu... In early October I went on SMASH camp. In between all of that, I have been working.
I am doing a Lunch relief job for Birralee Childcare Center. I only work 2 and a quarter hours a day, but since I'm casual, the pay is pretty good.

As for my health, I'm pretty much the same, although my stomach problems have calmed down a bit since I started up on mild anti-depressants. I think it was mostly stress, but I do still think that I am allergic to something. My sore throat is much the same, still sore and as annoying as ever. It sucks not being able to sing. For the past month or two I have been going to physio twice a week. It has been costing a lot, and only healing a little. My body doesn't want me to heal.

Emotionally, I'm heaps tired. I'm mostly good, but I have been going through various struggles. I won't get into that right now.

Anywho, that is all I have to say.

I'm not sick.... I just think I am.

So I went to the doctor on Saturday because my ear was hurting and was blocked. It turned out that I had a middle ear infection, and antibiotics would fix it. I hadn't been to this doctor before, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to ask her if she had any ideas about my health issues. I told her about how I can feel my pulse throughout my body, and at first she was confused about what I meant by that. She asked questions and I explained further. She didn't really know what it could be because I have already had tests done for all of the nasty stuff that I could have, and those tests came back clear. She told me that sometimes some people feel things in their body more than other people. I thought it was an interesting answer. I think she said something about a hyper sensitivity.
Anyway, then we talked a bit about my stomach problems and how I think it is IBS... and we talked about how I have had a sore throat for just about 11 months, and how it has gotten worse. She asked a bunch of questions about that too, and eventually came to the conclusion that it was stress related. She also said something about how sometimes thinking about sickness makes it worse. I can't remember her exact words... but I think what she meant was that my brain has tricked my body in to thinking that I am more sick than I am....
 e.g. When I first got my sore throat I didn't pay much attention to it... I had gotten a sore throat on and off lately anyway... but when it got to the 3 week mark of having my sore throat, I started thinking about how odd it is to have it for so long. ......Now I think about it, 3 weeks with a sore throat isn't that uncommon, especially for a person who spends time around children (I wasn't working with children at that time, but it was flu season, and I was teaching Sunday school at the time)...... But back then, 3 weeks with a sore throat wasn't normal and I stared thinking about it a lot. I tried a bunch of natural remedies which didn't work, and then I sore my doctor at 7 weeks of the sore throat. I had blood tests done and I was given ideas, the blood tests were clear, and I have had many more blood tests done, and seen more doctors about it etc etc etc. Somewhere along the line, I started worrying about it, and that is most likely when my brain did something crazy and because of that, my throat is still sore and will be probably until I work through it with a psychologist.
It makes sense! It is confusing, but our brains can do weird things. It especially makes sense because there are no visible signs in my throat of a chronic sore throat. I think my doctor is on to something! I hope she is right too... because it was getting to the point where there was nothing that could be done.
I might partly I have a big bug and a low immune system... I'm working with children daily now....It is normal to be sick at the start of a childcare career. But I think in the long run, I'm making it worse thinking about it. I would have never have thought about it this way if it wasn't for the ear infection I had....
I believe that God gave me this ear infection on a Friday night, so that I wouldn't go to my usual medical centre the next day (they are not open Saturdays), so that I could visit a doctor who had different ideas for me. My past 3 doctors have said that it is related to stress, but I didn't fully believe it until this doctor explained it the way she did.

Just something to think about.