Emotions

 I had a pretty good Christmas, following the family traditions and everything. Of course things aren't the same as they used to be, but I can deal with that... it has been different for a while now. I don't remember when Christmas stopped being the same. I still look forward to it though... It is nice to spend time with the family and reflect on Jesus birth. Yeah, it was good. This Christmas was my first Christmas being engaged to Rob.... I think being engaged feels different. The whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing was getting old to me. The term has come to seem immature. I find it really weird when I see on facebook, that people my age or older are only just starting up relationships.... and I'm engaged to be married to the love of my life. It is almost scary. I got to spend most of Christmas with Rob this year... He never comes to my family dinner, because he likes to spend it with his family. We had lunch with Dad's side, and it is so nice that they give Rob presents... he is part of the family now, and it is so sweet. Anyways, then Rob went home, and after relaxing for an hour at home, I  went to see Mum's side of the family.... but I spent most of the time wanting the time to hurry up, because Mum and Dad were dropping me over to Rob's house afterwards. It was nice being with him. I love seeing his family. I love how caring and kind they are. Jo (Rob's mum) treats me like her daughter, she spoils me all the time, and I often feel overwhelmed being with them. They gave me so many gifts, even Tom bought me a little gift, which I thought was really sweet. After I opened my presents, we ended up watching "Red Dog" the movie, and that's when all of my emotions came to the surface. The movie put me in tears, and I was trying so hard to hide it.... after the movie, and after his parents went upstairs, I balled my eyes out in Rob's arms. I don't really know why, but when it comes to Dogs, I get really emotional. I think it all started when Norm came into our family.... I found myself really clingy to him, and then my love for animals really came out. When Blondie Girl (my cockatiel) went missing this year, I was crying for weeks. I was surprised about how sad I was. It may have to do with the emotions I was dealing with at the time...  my troubles this year changed me somehow. My troubles changed the way I think. I dunno. For some reason, last night, I also couldn't help thinking about all of the change that has happened this year... mainly this December. Rob and I got engaged, Matt graduated, Tim and Norm moved out. It was a bit hard seeing Norm leave... and secretly I miss Tim a bit too. I think it is only just now, since I watched Red Dog, that I have really started missing Norm. It was nice having Norm stay over on Christmas eve and Christmas... Matt also brought over the two puppies that he was looking after, while house sitting his friends house. It was nice to have playful puppies all running about. It wasn't so fun, leaving them and Norm. They went home last night while I was at Rob's house. Hmmm. I think my tears last night, were for more than Red Dog... they were for Norm, they were also tears of love for Rob... the more he held me, the more I cried..., and my tears where overwhelmed tears of the day.  I didn't want to leave Rob last night, so I didn't until 1:00 or something. I didn't wake up this morning until 12:00. I was feeling a bit better this morning, but I was quite bored. I ended up watching Free Willy this afternoon on TV, and it brought the emotions back. After the movie, the news came on, and the first story was about a family who had been killed in a house fire last night. I couldn't hold in those tears at all. The thought of such a tragedy happening on Christmas night. Then more thoughts came to mind... I started worrying about my brothers being in a car crash, or horrible things happening to my family.
Emotions can be quite painful. There are often times where I feel happy, sad, anxious, and confused all at once.  I guess these are times where we need to turn to Jesus. He's telling me something right now.... and I hope I hear Him soon. I like the thought that He is always teaching. Right now I feel as though He is saying " I love you, my daughter, and I can pull you through anything"..... and I think that is what He has been saying to me all year.