We all have different lives, and this blog is revealing some of mine :) enjoy!

God bless

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


I'm sick of stress and I get sick when I'm stressed. I have been sick for so long now, and I am well past the fed up point. I'm not angry at the doctors, I'm not angry at anyone... I just don't understand why I am sick, and I don't know why there aren't answers. I am sick of not knowing... and it is making me stressed. When I get stressed, I get even more sick, so it is an endless cycle of being stressed and sick.
Recently I have been feeling incredibly emotional. I have an almost perfect job, but I have little motivation to go. I know I might be more motivated when I get into more of a routine, but I'm sick and stressed. The director at work is lovely and told me on my induction day that if I ever feel too sick or stressed to come to work, then let them know. I had to do that today, and now I'm even more stressed. I was scared of getting sick at work, and now I'm not there, I'm not sure if I should have taken a sick day. I'm not looking forward to facing work tomorrow. 
My emotions are going crazy, and now I am considering that there may be something wrong with me. Since childhood I have thought that I have a mental condition... no one really believes me, but I just know that there is something wrong with me.... thinking that I have a mental condition, and not being able to stop, is almost mental in itself. No one can understand my way of thinking. I'm more emotional than the average woman. I even took a psychologist test online about depression... and it said that there is a possibility of depression. It obviously isn't full blown, because I would be sure about it then... but the test was quite specific, and I believe it. I know there is something wrong.
In the past few days I have felt like I'm being stared at. I got that quite a bit when I was a teenager, but I thought people were just staring at me because I had a lot of pimples, and I classed myself as ugly. Now I don't feel like I'm ugly really, because I'm taking the pill, which gets rid of my acne. I'm also wearing makeup, so it makes me look kind of nice. It freaks me out when people give me funny looks...Is my hair not right? Does my make up look weird? What is wrong?
So confused right now. I need help.

1 comment:

kat said...

sent u an offline msn msg re this post.