We all have different lives, and this blog is revealing some of mine :) enjoy!

God bless

Saturday, April 30, 2011

My new hat

 Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay my hat is finally here! It came in the mail yesterday. It is soooo comfy and the tassels are amusing and fun to play with. Best hat ever. I bought it off Sesamestreet.org. Unfortunately it was $50 Au including shipping and handling... my Mum insists that it is an early birthday present. I was just going to use her credit card and pay her back, but she insisted. Oh wells... it is amazing.
So yer it arrived yesterday. I wore it to Rob's house last night. Rob thinks it is cute :) Wayne and Jo also liked it yay, approval from the future parent in laws! We watched the royal wedding and they said that my hat was the best. They said that someone should wear a hat like mine. Yay for my hat, I am so happy to have it :). The best thing, apart from it being Cookie Monster is that no one else I know will have my hat. It is so unique.

Anyways I am going to enjoy wearing it now.
God bless
Love me xx

Friday, April 29, 2011

Waking up to His amazing love

Why won't the world just wake up? Evidence that Almighty God exists is everywhere!
I think the past few weeks have been a bit of an eye opener for me. Jesus has showed me that I need to let go of my problems and hand them over to him. As hard as it is to do this, He is my only hope, He created me, He lived for me, He died for me, and He rose for me. He is my saviour, provider and much much more. I can not thank Him enough! God is indescribable and uncontainable He is the Great I AM.
My Prayer is that the world will realize this, that they will want to sing of his mighty love.

God bless you all and have a fantastic day, one that reflects His love. No matter what the day brings, remember Him, because He remembers you!

Love me xx

Thursday, April 28, 2011

More Than Useless

Just a few Relient.K songs that definatly relate to me, and have helped me feel better.

Check out this link - More Than Useless 

This is a pretty amazing song. The time I spend "convincing myself that the world is doing just fine without me".... what a waste of time, when I could be thinking about what I can achieve through God on this earth. I wasn't made to be a waste of space.... I was created to have a relationship with God and be who God wants me to be.

Another good song, and a good video to go with it- For The Moment I feel faint

"Never under-estimate my Jesus,Your telling me there's no hope, I'm telling you your wrong. Never under-estimate Jesus, for when the world around you crumbles He will be strong"...... Heh the key words here are " He will be strong" We don't have to be strong exactly, we need to hand our problems over to him!

 This how I constantly feel - Who I am Hates Who I've been

" I can't let that happen again, because then you'll see my heart in the saddest place I've ever been, And this is no place to try and live my life" I can't let myself feel as low as I have felt in the past year. I'm gonna try trust in God :)

I may add more songs later.

<3 God bless

Love me xx

Sick and stressed

So firstly I am sick.... I have a sore throat and a runny nose. I have to start back at Vocational Placement today and I really do not want to give the little ones my cold, that would be terrible. I am also afraid that this cold is stopping me from working to my full potential. Last night I couldn't think... I was looking through my VP assignments again and I seemed to have gotten lost. It has not only affected my thinking, but I am sure running around with children isn't going to be easy to day. It is not like I can take it easy... in fact today I have to work really really hard! So this brings me to the stressed bit. Ok so I found out a few weeks ago that we have another assignment for VP that for some reason wasn't in our book. We had looked at the assignment at the start of the semester, and I had forgotten about it. I was a tad bit stressed at that time because I have so much to do, and now I am behind because of this assignment. These assignments are all fairly big, and time consuming. I somehow have to do them all in the space of less then a month. I have to do doccumentations and observations, policy and philosophy reviews and much much more. SO I was a tad bit stressed about that .... The thing is, now that I don't have much time left  I am really stressed. I got quite depressed yesterday when I got this huge feeling that I am going to fail. I can't fail.... if I fail, my parents have to pay for each of the classes that I fail, I have to do them again next semester or next year, which means I have to go back to prac as well as tafe, and even re-do the assignments that I passed, because they add things on to the assignments every year. If I fail I will have to do all this, I won't be able to work, and I won't be able to pay my parents board money. I have no choice but to pass. I can't stand the thought of failing. Yesterday I prayed and prayed, I asked God to help me out, to handle this problem, but for some reason I just couldn't cope with the stress.
I have asked a few people to pray for me, and I prayed again last night, practically begging God for help with this. I need this stress to go away, and I need to pass. I feel a bit better thismorning I guess... I have the cold, but I am hoping that it doesn't get in the way. I am trying very hard not to stress, and I do feel a bit calmer. I would appreciate lots more prayer though. I need to let go, and let God handle this one, I need to trust that he will help me through, and I need to get everything done on time. It is either pass or fail at tafe, there is no in between, there is no grading. Please pray!

Love you all
God bless

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Ever get the feeling that no one understands? Forgive me if I sound low and forgive me if I sound like I am pitying myself.... because I am low and I am full of self pity... I am a selfish human.
I have so much support through the emotional pain I am experiencing. Everyone is so caring and loving, and I thank them for it, but what is really hard is no one actually understands. They may have the slightest understanding, but my thoughts seem far too complicated to actually be understood deep down. My thoughts are very deep thoughts, and I am not even sure if I understand them. It is completely frustrating. I would love to be understood... if a psychiatrist could read my mind for a day, then maybe they would be able to figure out my problem... or maybe it would make them more confused...
hmmm... I dunno. confused.

Love me
God bless

tafe :(

It was so good having having an extra extra long weekend off. I had from last Wednesday till today. Not a long holiday exactly, but it still feels like I have been on holidays. Now I am not in the mood at all... I have no motivation. I am especially not looking forward tomorrow because I have to go back to VP... I feel like I should be starting to do more there, now that I am a few weeks in, but I don't know what. I feel like I am really far behind for some reason. Pretty soon I will have to start implimenting plans and doing observations, and I haven't got a clue who I am going to observe or what I am going to plan.... *sigh*. I don't understand how this observation assignment is much bigger and time consuming then last years. I passed last years, isn't that enough? why do I have to do it again this year>? I don't see how I am going to fit in all the assignments, they are all fairly big. It is too much. I can't stand the thought of failing and not graduating with my friends, but at this rate, I dunno. Why is trusting in Jesus to help me complete this so hard? He is the most trustworthy being, and I can't seem to let Him take care of me.

oh well... off to tafe I go, have a good day everyone.

xx God bless
love me <3

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I wish

-I wish I had an amazing relationship with God
-I wish I was beautiful in my own eyes and everyone elses
-I wish I my pain was gone
-I wish to be married to Rob
-I wish that I had enough money
-I wish we didn't have to work
-I wish that life was easy
-I wish that I could have children without physical pain
-I wish I didn't need to have a period to get children
-I wish I was patient
-I wish that the world was in peace

I have many more wishes but the thing is...

-I don't have an amazing relationship with God, I am hopeless at praying, and putting my full trust in him
-I am not beautiful in my own eyes at all, and I have also been called ugly by other people
-It is highly likely that I am mentaly ill, and I don't know if it can be fixed.
-I am not married to Rob because we don't have enough money
-I don't have enough money because I don't have a job, because I am still completing TAFE, which I don't think I will pass, but if I do, I am afraid of getting a job anyway
- I do have to work. Nearly everything I do is work
-Life isn't easy, in fact it is incredibly hard
- Physical pain is a big part of child birth, and it always will be
- I need to have period to get children, and boy does it hurt!
-I am far from patient
-This world will never be in peace

-What I have said is true but....

-Although my relationship with God seems poor, I am still young, and maybe I will get there in the end. It is how we finish that counts!
-I may not be beautiful to the human eye, but I am beautiul to God and that is all that really matters.
- I may be mentaly ill, but there is always hope, and I have a lot of support from amazing people, and not to forget God the almighty healer
-No I am not married to Rob, but it will happen in time
-No I don't have enough money, and I am afraid that I will fail TAFE and I am afraid of getting a job, but the Lord says to fear not! I need to put my trust in him to handle this situation!
-Yes I have to work, and I don't want to, but God loves work, he wants me to work so I will take joy in working
-No life isn't easy, but there is always hope
-I hate physical pain of all sorts, and I am afraid of childbirth, but the Lord is with me, and I will get a beautiful child in the end, whom I will love
-I have to have a period and the pain involved with it, but it leads to something beautiful
-I am not patient but God is, so I must be, and I will be when I put my trust in him
-The world will never be in peace, but God can still use us to make the world a better place..... just wait till heaven, or till he creates the new world!

Something positive always comes out of something negative, the best thing is there is always hope, IF we put our trust in Jesus. Pray that things will heal, pray that things will ese up, pray pray pray!

God's three answers to prayer

1- Yes
2- No
3- Not yet

God bless

Love me xx


Not too happy right now. I have too many thoughts, and each of these thoughts collide. I am fed up, I have had enough, If this pain doesn't go then.... I dunno.

These are the times when I really need Jesus, but I can't seem to connect with him. One minute, I am feeling like things are looking up, and all of a sudden, things are defiantly looking down.

HELP ???? Somebody? Anybody?

Actually I feel very deserving of this pain, but I don't want it. This makes me confused. I need it to leave me alone but I deserve every bit of it. Hmmm.

" There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, love for the broken heart. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing, He'll meet you wherever you are." -Third day (Cry out to Jesus)

I sure hope he helps me out soon... he is my only hope.

God bless you all, and may you never ever have to deal with the same pain I have or worse.

Love me xx

Monday, April 25, 2011


Sooo confused right now. Pastor Glenn spoke last night about Peter and how he was considered a bit of a failure, and then he transformed into someone much better all because of Jesus. He had power through Jesus to do amazing things. Something Glenn said though really struck me.... He said something along the lines of : God will forgive us if we repent of our sins (which we have all heard before).... but Glenn emphasized  REALLY repent. He went on to say that repentance is completely stopping the sin that we are doing, God forgets when we repent... how can He forget, when we keep sinning?  This got me thinking... how many times have we sinned (no matter how big or small), felt guilty, asked for forgiveness, then a short time later, or even a long time later, we have come back to the sin. It seems impossible for the cycle to stop. With all of the pain I have been going through lately, this really struck me... why can't I stop sinning? It also struck me that I thought I had repented, but I hadn't, because I keep repeating certain sins. I feel like a failure... I keep letting God down, after all he has done. The thing is, after thinking about how I have let God down, Glenn then said that Peter wasn't a failure, we are not failures, and Jesus isn't a failure. The only failure is Satan. This blew me a way. For a very long time I have felt like I am a failure, and I often feel not worth it... If I am not a failure, what am I? This forced me to tears. Glenn told us to repent, and I didn't know how. If I asked God for forgiveness for my particular sin, I am sure that I would just sin again in a matter of time. How could I repent and let him down again?  During communion I did say sorry to God though, I asked him to help me through my troubles, and help me not to sin. Just like with peter, we can have power through Jesus Christ.
We had an amazing time of worship afterwards. I surrendered to God, and it felt amazing. I think perhaps I finally cried out to Jesus. I need time for this all to kick in though. I need to spend more time with him and keep trying. I want to be free of pain.
Holy is He.

God bless. xx
love me.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

Hello fellow bloggers. Happy Easter.
Hallelujah for Jesus is risen! Our amazing Jesus went through absolute agony on Friday, we all know of his painful death. Not only did he have physical pain but spiritual and emotional pain, as he took on everyone's sins.... the lies, the murderers, the adulterers, those who worship idol's, and every other sin thought of.... he took on all the sins of the world. Now it is the third day, Easter Sunday, and he is risen. It is time to celebrate. It is not at all about the Easter bunny... I have no clue why he was ever made up, I am sure there is a story to it but it surely isn't the true meaning to Easter. For your information Chocolate Easter eggs mean New life, and it is the new life we can have in Jesus when accepting him into our hearts. I am so glad that I am going to live for eternity in the presence of him <3
God bless, and repent this Easter.

Love me xoxo!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

My throat hurts :(

hmmm I have a sore throat :( It is making my right ear sore, and the back of my neck sore. I hate colds. I am really hoping that I am feeling better by tomorrow. Got church and then some friends are coming over to Rob's, and I am also on singing tomorrow night. Ooo and yay, James is joining me singing, but I thinks he is also playing the guitar. But still... I am looking forward to the service. Hoping all will be well in the morning.
We went to Adelle and David's new house today, it was really cool... I likes it. Little bubby Nathan gave me a cuddle, he was sooo cute :)

Hmmm dunno what else to say... may be back later tonight. Love yas xxx
God bless.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Let the weak say I am strong

John 3:16 "For God so love the world that He gave His one and only Son that who so ever believes in Him, shal not perish but have everlasting life"

God is so amazing isn't he? Jesus came into this world, and took on human form. Imagine how painful it would be to come from heaven into this world! Insanely painful!
 Don Piper, died in a car crash instantly, there is no way he could have survived. He went to heaven and it was amazing... he sore people there that he never thought he would see, and they were perfect and all better. He could hear the angels wings and beautiful voices everywhere. Believe it or not but a man came and prayed for Don, even though his body was mangled, and he was declared dead. 90 minutes after he had died, Don came back to life! This isn't possible, but trust me, this is a true story! The book he has written is called " 90 minutes in Heaven" and it is an amazing book. Anyways so there is no physical way he could be alive but people witnessed it....  Don was in agony, but he survived even though he had internal bleeding in places he really shouldn't be bleeding! Don wanted to go back to heaven... he had just witnessed perfection, and now he was in agony. Don survived though, he remained strong and he is still alive today, but he went through depression, and agony for many many years. He couldn't remember a time back then when he wasn't in pain. He got depressed because he wanted to be back in heaven. Amazingly Don now preaches his story, and he has helped many people through tough times, and helped many see that there really is a heaven.
My point in this though, is that Don went to heaven and came back... Jesus was in heaven as God,,,, and God sent him down to earth, His only Son, to live in this world. Jesus knew his world, but it must have been hard becoming human. ... anyways not only did Jesus enter this world as human, he was tempted just like any other human. He didn't give in though, he remained strong. He remained strong even when he was brutally whipped, when a thorny crown was placed on his head, when he had to take his heavy cross up the hill, when his body was weak, when he was nailed to the cross through his wrists and his ankles, and when he hung there. Jesus was mocked, and spat at. Jesus could have saved himself but he saved us. He stayed strong for us.
This is how we should be... we should remain strong in the tough times, the times where we feel the worse. Jesus saved us, we now need to be strong and help save the world. Don stayed strong... if he can, we can! I couldn't imagine leaving a place like heaven. God is Great!

God bless, and may you reflect on Jesus today on Good Friday, don't forget him!

Love me xx

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Not how we imagine

Why don't things ever turn out the way we imagine? I remember the good old days when I had birthday parties every second year. I got so so excited when they came around, but it never turned out the way I imagined it. Sometimes we have such an image in our head, and then reality comes and destroys it. Although there are rare cases where things turn out better than we imagine, and then we are so thrilled and excited. Other times, things aren't what we imagined they would be, but instead of being better or worse... it is just different, but still good. I'm not too fond of change though. I like to be in control. I prefer things go the way I imagined... unless it is the case where things go much better, or those times when we imagine that things are going to be really bad, but they end up being fine, even good. Our imaginations still always seem to serve us wrong in this context. I barely imagine things correctly... obviously it is unlikely that we would have an image of a place we have never been, and get there, and it is somehow the exact image.

Hmmm I dunno... sometimes I would like to know what the future is going to be like when we get there.... it would save so much disappointment. Unfortunately, being psychic is a demonic power. Knowing the future can frighten us. We need to put our trust in God that the future will be his will, and God being God is always right, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like things are fine and dandy. We have choices, and my choice is to follow God, and have a relationship with him. He is control.

" I wanna be the moon, cause it reflects the sun, I don't want to be the star that shines on everyone" - Paul Colman

God bless and Good night


Been an interesting day. hmmm. Went to the shops for Easter egg's, and I have been on the computer all day doing nothing. lol plus I watched a bit of TV- Stoked, some weird show, bay watch, and Play School ( Play School was for educational reasons!). Then I played with Norm for a bit.  Anyways so Tim left for Easter Fest today, and Matt is leaving this arvy wooohooo.  Mum is going to be home alone tonight because Dad and I have practice for tomorrows Good Friday service. Kane didn't want Mum on the team for some reason? She wasn't rostered on but she was going to sing with me so that I had another female voice to sing with. It is so much easier singing when a female is beside me... but Kane rang up and said no, he only wants me. Weird. hmmmm. oh well. Looking forward to practice. This Easter weekend should be great. I love spending time with my family.... and I love going to church.
Thank you Jesus! <3

God bless everyone!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Gosh I am tired. had a bit of a weird night. Talked with Steph B for ages. It is lovely to have a friend like her. Also spent most of the night playing crazy taxi on facebook... got a tad bit addicted. So ready to sleep... but unfortunatly I have to do the terrible job of getting ready for bed. This includes popping my pimples, eating vitimins, washing my face with clenser and oil remover, having my puffer, having betadine throat gargle, brushing my teath, using listerine mouth wash, putting toner on my face, spraying my pearcings, and then finally putting pimple cream on. So much effort when I am this tired... but gotta keep healthy *sigh*. Oh wells, off I go.

God bless xx

kind of low

hmmm. feeling lonely right now. I dunno what it is. It kinda is a depressing feel, one that I can't controll. I guess I feel tired, and I have nothing to do. It is weird. lately everything has been weird. *sigh* what can I do>? :( Yesterday I thought everything was going to start to get better, but I can't help but wonder when.

Maybe I am just looking at things the wrong way. Maybe I need to be more positive... who knows.

anyway, gotta go be more bored
God bless.


First day of holidays, and I wear myself out with assignments. Oh well.. They kind of needed to be done. I managed to do two assignments plus two parts of a big assignment. I am so sore from sitting at the computer,,, my back is aching. I am pretty sure that it is my cold making everything hurt more than usual. I tried to do a bit of a work out thismorning, but my head started throbbing and I got a sore and tight chest. haha yay for complaining.

Be back later

God bless.

Rise and shine!

Good morning. I am still rather tired. I prefer to have 9 hours sleep but I only got 7!. Right now my eye is rather sore for some reason... probably hay feaver. I would also love for this cold to go away. I am supposed to be singing at the Good Friday service, and the Easter Sunday night service.
OOOooo so excited.... ok... this is my plan for easter: On Thursday night I have practice for Good Friday, then I have the actual service in the morning on Friday. After Church my family and I are all meeting up at Grandma's for hot cross buns, then we are going to other Grandma's for lunch. I will probably go to Rob's that night, because I often go to his on Friday nights. Then.... Sometime on Saturday My family are all meeting up for Cousin Adelles Birthday. On Sunday I will go to church in the morning, then James, Dan, possibly Steph, and I are all going to Robs house to watch movies. At 4:30 I have practice for the night service. The awesome thing is, James might be singing with me that night on the team. I didn't want to be the only singer on stage, so I asked James to join me. He said he was going to ask Vaughan ( the worship leader) last night. I haven't got a reply, but I am sure it will be fine. So that should be good!. Then of course we have the actual night service, which shal be amazing. That is my easter pretty much :) .
As for now, I plan to attempt to do 3 assignments. They are pretty easy as far as I am concerned. Renee our teacher really explained it well.

 Hmmm anyway, off to have a nice warm shower, and put Hillsong onto full blast. Gotta love being home alone,

xx God bless!

my state of mind

I'm tired. It is 12:47 am. If I say something silly, just remember what time I am writing this ok? Anyways so this is my first post for my blog. I am tired as I said.... I also have a sore neck, thought you would like to know. Yesterday was a really good day... looking forward to going to bed thismorning and sleeping in. i'm not too good at doing that though. I really should learn to go to bed earlier. I am so glad tomoday is holidays,,, well sort of. I have until next wednesday off at TAFE. Today is a new day, I must learn not to worry. Yesterday I realised that I need to put my trust in Jesus a bit more. I am going to honest in saying that I have been going through a lot of emotional pain lately, and I haven't lived my life to the fullest... I think it is time that I trust that Jesus is by my side and will help me out. I dunno when my troubles will clear up, but at least I know that I have help. I love it when Jesus is by my side. haha... i find it weird saying yesterday.... yesterday was only an hour-ish ago.
anyway,,, tiz all for now
God bless.