Sooo confused right now. Pastor Glenn spoke last night about Peter and how he was considered a bit of a failure, and then he transformed into someone much better all because of Jesus. He had power through Jesus to do amazing things. Something Glenn said though really struck me.... He said something along the lines of : God will forgive us if we repent of our sins (which we have all heard before).... but Glenn emphasized REALLY repent. He went on to say that repentance is completely stopping the sin that we are doing, God forgets when we repent... how can He forget, when we keep sinning? This got me thinking... how many times have we sinned (no matter how big or small), felt guilty, asked for forgiveness, then a short time later, or even a long time later, we have come back to the sin. It seems impossible for the cycle to stop. With all of the pain I have been going through lately, this really struck me... why can't I stop sinning? It also struck me that I thought I had repented, but I hadn't, because I keep repeating certain sins. I feel like a failure... I keep letting God down, after all he has done. The thing is, after thinking about how I have let God down, Glenn then said that Peter wasn't a failure, we are not failures, and Jesus isn't a failure. The only failure is Satan. This blew me a way. For a very long time I have felt like I am a failure, and I often feel not worth it... If I am not a failure, what am I? This forced me to tears. Glenn told us to repent, and I didn't know how. If I asked God for forgiveness for my particular sin, I am sure that I would just sin again in a matter of time. How could I repent and let him down again? During communion I did say sorry to God though, I asked him to help me through my troubles, and help me not to sin. Just like with peter, we can have power through Jesus Christ.
We had an amazing time of worship afterwards. I surrendered to God, and it felt amazing. I think perhaps I finally cried out to Jesus. I need time for this all to kick in though. I need to spend more time with him and keep trying. I want to be free of pain.
Holy is He.
God bless. xx