Emotions

 I had a pretty good Christmas, following the family traditions and everything. Of course things aren't the same as they used to be, but I can deal with that... it has been different for a while now. I don't remember when Christmas stopped being the same. I still look forward to it though... It is nice to spend time with the family and reflect on Jesus birth. Yeah, it was good. This Christmas was my first Christmas being engaged to Rob.... I think being engaged feels different. The whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing was getting old to me. The term has come to seem immature. I find it really weird when I see on facebook, that people my age or older are only just starting up relationships.... and I'm engaged to be married to the love of my life. It is almost scary. I got to spend most of Christmas with Rob this year... He never comes to my family dinner, because he likes to spend it with his family. We had lunch with Dad's side, and it is so nice that they give Rob presents... he is part of the family now, and it is so sweet. Anyways, then Rob went home, and after relaxing for an hour at home, I  went to see Mum's side of the family.... but I spent most of the time wanting the time to hurry up, because Mum and Dad were dropping me over to Rob's house afterwards. It was nice being with him. I love seeing his family. I love how caring and kind they are. Jo (Rob's mum) treats me like her daughter, she spoils me all the time, and I often feel overwhelmed being with them. They gave me so many gifts, even Tom bought me a little gift, which I thought was really sweet. After I opened my presents, we ended up watching "Red Dog" the movie, and that's when all of my emotions came to the surface. The movie put me in tears, and I was trying so hard to hide it.... after the movie, and after his parents went upstairs, I balled my eyes out in Rob's arms. I don't really know why, but when it comes to Dogs, I get really emotional. I think it all started when Norm came into our family.... I found myself really clingy to him, and then my love for animals really came out. When Blondie Girl (my cockatiel) went missing this year, I was crying for weeks. I was surprised about how sad I was. It may have to do with the emotions I was dealing with at the time...  my troubles this year changed me somehow. My troubles changed the way I think. I dunno. For some reason, last night, I also couldn't help thinking about all of the change that has happened this year... mainly this December. Rob and I got engaged, Matt graduated, Tim and Norm moved out. It was a bit hard seeing Norm leave... and secretly I miss Tim a bit too. I think it is only just now, since I watched Red Dog, that I have really started missing Norm. It was nice having Norm stay over on Christmas eve and Christmas... Matt also brought over the two puppies that he was looking after, while house sitting his friends house. It was nice to have playful puppies all running about. It wasn't so fun, leaving them and Norm. They went home last night while I was at Rob's house. Hmmm. I think my tears last night, were for more than Red Dog... they were for Norm, they were also tears of love for Rob... the more he held me, the more I cried..., and my tears where overwhelmed tears of the day.  I didn't want to leave Rob last night, so I didn't until 1:00 or something. I didn't wake up this morning until 12:00. I was feeling a bit better this morning, but I was quite bored. I ended up watching Free Willy this afternoon on TV, and it brought the emotions back. After the movie, the news came on, and the first story was about a family who had been killed in a house fire last night. I couldn't hold in those tears at all. The thought of such a tragedy happening on Christmas night. Then more thoughts came to mind... I started worrying about my brothers being in a car crash, or horrible things happening to my family.
Emotions can be quite painful. There are often times where I feel happy, sad, anxious, and confused all at once.  I guess these are times where we need to turn to Jesus. He's telling me something right now.... and I hope I hear Him soon. I like the thought that He is always teaching. Right now I feel as though He is saying " I love you, my daughter, and I can pull you through anything"..... and I think that is what He has been saying to me all year.

I Celebrate The Day

My new cover of I Celebrate The Day by Relient.K
There are a few mistakes, but this one is much better than my other covers of this song. I hope you enjoy!
XoXo Merry Christmas!
Love, Me!

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Dissorder)

 For a long time I have believed that everyone has a little bit of OCD... we like to put certain things in certain places, and we like to do certain things in certain ways. We feel uncomfortable being told to do things a different way to what we like.
I have some weird  "OCD's" .... When I hang the washing out, I don't feel comfortable using two different coloured pegs for one piece of clothing... e.g.... I use two pink pegs for a T-shirt, I won't use one pink and one red.  If  I'm hanging the washing out with Mum, she will use different coloured pegs and it kind of frustrates me a little.... but the thing is, if I had diagnosed OCD, I would want to change all of Mum's pegs, and make sure it was right. I would also probably insist that I hang out the washing myself, so that it is done perfectly. Often someone with OCD would worry that something bad is going to happen if things aren't done perfectly.
So I guess when I say that I have "OCD's" I'm over exaggerating.... but yes, some people would think that I am crazy for having to use the same coloured pegs!.... Another thing I insist on, is having all of my soft toys on my bed, in the right spot. I have always made a right spot for my toys, and until I put toys away or decide to move them myself, I don't like them being out of order.... Hehe, also, when I sing on stage at church, I hate it when the sheets of music slightly stick out of the plastic sleeves in the music folder. I always like to have them neatly in the right spot.


Here is the link that I got the following information off. I just want to ensure you that I am claiming none of the following information as my own. ....

http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd


OCD is a type of anxiety disorder involving two elements: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are repetitive unwanted thoughts that make you feel anxious. Compulsions are repetitive behaviours and rituals.
With OCD you feel that as if you have to complete these rituals or behaviours otherwise something bad will happen. Performing the compulsions can temporarily reduce the anxiety you feel with OCD in certain situations.
With OCD you might realise that your thoughts are irrational, but the obsessions and compulsions are difficult to resist.
OCD affects people from all different backgrounds, classes, cultures, sexes and intelligence levels. Approximately 2-3% of Australians experience OCD.


With OCD you experience some obsessive thoughts and a paricular compulsion. However, the intensity and frequency can vary, and it's not uncommon for it to be worse when you are particularly stressed (e.g exam time, relationship problems).
Examples of obsessions include

• fear of contamination or dirt
• fear of harming yourself or others
• intrusive sexual thoughts
• fear of illness
• religious or moral issues

Common compulsions may be:

• cleaning or putting things in a particular order   (This is partly me, but if you sore the state of my room you would laugh)
• washing
• counting
• hoarding (I'm a bit of a hoarder too)
• touching/repeating

You may also be experiencing a range of emotions, including feeling:

• stressed or anxious
• annoyed and frustrated
• down or depressed
• a sense of shame (and a wish to hide your OCD from others)

OCD may affect other parts of your life too and you might find you're not able to enjoy the things you normally would. You might also feel more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol as a way to escape or numb overwhelming feelings.




Anyways, so OCD is really something quite serious. I guess I feel a bit wrong calling my habits OCD's... After all I'm not obsessive over it, and I am hardly compulsive.... but I guess it is the closest term that one could use for our habits.

Play School in the 90's

Like most Aussie kids, I loved Play School... it was my favourite show. I sometimes still watch it (to boost my knowledge on children of course!). Unfortunately, the new Play school, is no where near as exciting.... they got rid of the rocket clock in the early 2000's, and I was pretty angry. The new presenters are more corny, and they haven't kept all of the old songs, and have added stupid new ones! Seriously, what was wrong with the old songs? I guess they wanted to add something new, which I don't mind, but I think they have tried too hard to change things around.
This is what the good old Play School was like ......


The old intro....

 

 

Sorry, it is only a picture of the clock, with the sound in the background, but this is all I could find. The Rocket clock used to spin around, and on the other side was some clues about the story of the day.

                            Paper!

                                            Here is the sea, the wavy sea.

                              The Ning Nang Nong!

                                    This little piggy

                                                           
                                          Bahahahahahaha!!!!! Three Little Speckled Frogs

                                                                        

I loves it.

Blessed

At the beginning of  this year, I set a few New years resolutions. They were typical resolutions like deciding to get fit and eat healthier... I also hoped that I would grow closer to God... and sort out the issues that I was dealing with at the time.  The thought of a new year, meant new beginnings.... but very quickly, the year started to look messy. Queensland was dealing with the worst floods since 1974, which was saddening and quite shocking. A few weeks into January,  I started facing a lot of emotional difficulties. For some reason, my current difficulties seemed so much more painful than they ever were before. On top of my difficulties, I was getting ready to attempt to complete the last semester of my Diploma. I say attempt, because I didn't feel like I was going to pass. There were many times where I was under a great deal of stress and I didn't think that I could get all of my assignments done on time. The first 7 months of the year were emotionally painful. In result of my emotional struggles, I self harmed, and at times I wished to die. I was a mess, I felt like I was mental. The issue I was facing, was seeking approval. Seeking approval had been an issue for most of my life... but this year, approval was something that I was seeking much more. For quite a while, I saw a councillor every week or two. She helped me discover why I was having problems, and it all began to make more sense... although there were some things that she couldn't even make sense of. Part of the reason  why I was struggling with TAFE so much, was because of my approval issue. I was seeking approval from a lot of people, and surprisingly I was also seeking approval from myself. I had a low self esteem, which caused me to believe that I wouldn't pass TAFE. Having over 40 assignments to do in the course of 6 months seemed impossible. In the last month of the semester,  Prac came around, and life got even more stressing. The assignments were harder, and part of my requirement was to be the group leader during the last week... I had to become confident really quickly.  Heh, well, to cut a long story short, I passed. I was expecting to get a re-submit for my biggest assignment, but I didn't.... in fact, the teacher loved my work, and pointed out how far I have come in the past year and a half.  Passing my Diploma felt great, and I certainly felt blessed. God showed me that I had more potential than I first thought. I think that things sort of started feeling slightly better from then on.... but everything was changing. I had finished TAFE, and my next step was work. While most of my friends are still in UNI, there I was, off to work. It felt too soon. I promised myself a months break to relax, but soon enough I graduated, and then the pressure was back on. Emotionally, I started to go further downhill... All year I had in my mind that I would have to find work soon... and now that it was time, it seemed daunting. I started applying for jobs, but I honestly didn't want to. I had no faith in myself, and I wasn't trusting God enough, to help me through it. Well, God changed everything in August. During the week, leading up to "She is... Free" ladies camp, something quite dramatic happened ( I won't go into it) and I thought that I would never recover.  During that week, I was also having 2 paid days of a job trial, so I was quite stressed. Thankfully, soon enough, ladies camp arrived, and it was something to look forward to for once. Since I had been the year before, I knew what to expect,,, but I didn't really know what God had planned for me. He changed me at that camp. I still struggled with some things for a little while, but a huge weight was taken off me. For the first time this year, I felt free. After camp, things really started to look up... I had a whole new look on life. I was positive, and ready to live for God. Because of the two paid trial days that I had earlier, I had enough money to be a leader at SMASH camp... it was another blessing. SMASH helped my confidence, and I grew in a few ways. Yes, again, I still had some daily issues to deal with, but life felt so good (and still does). I never got that job, but I think it was for the best... God used those trial days to help me learn a few things... then a week after SMASH camp,  another centre rang me up and asked if I could be a relief group leader for a whole week. I took the offer up, and since then, I have become their Relief group leader... I have had so many jobs, and having the money is amazingly helpful. Also I must add, that I am now engaged to Rob, and it has made me so happy!
So now that I look back on the year... yeah, most of it was emotionally painful.... but when life seemed impossible to live, my heavenly Father showed me that life didn't have to be painful. He has blessed me many times this year, and now I feel as though I should be very grateful for what I have learnt... I should be grateful for this year.... after all, things could have been worse.
I never got fit this year, and I didn't eat healthier either... in fact, I got addicted to cream cheese and put on weight! I did grow closer to God though, which is so much more important than anything... it is a resolution that should be achieved every year, no matter how low things can get.
I do hope that things go upward next year, but I know now more than ever, that I can face any problem with God by my side.

God bless you this Christmas, and may you continue to feel His blessing throughout this coming year!
Love, E.

So it turns out that my fiance is incredibly adorable and amazing.

So it turns out that my fiance is incredibly adorable and amazing!!!!... Well I already knew that but anyway.....

I said in a previous post that Rob and I had to find a different engagement ring, because my fingers are so small that the ring that Rob proposed with couldn't be re-sized.... We exchanged the first one for another one.....WELL.... little did I know, that he decided to buy the first ring back, and put it on a chain for me to keep and wear around my neck!!!! He picked me up from work today, and when we got home, he pulled out a necklace box, and told me that he had bought me a chain... when I opened it, the ring was on the chain! Now I have my shiny back, and I am so excited. I haven't recieved the new ring yet (it was supposed to arive today but didn't) but I don't care, because he gave me the first ring again, and I am so happy! Besides, I will probably get my new ring tomorrow anyway :)

Sick

So I felt really yucky yesterday. I wasn't too bad during the day... but I felt a bit sick. I felt like I was hungry and sick at the same time. I barely ate anything. This morning I felt better, and decided I could handle tinned peaches and pears for breakfast. After church, Rob bought me Hungry Jacks, because I was really hungry... but I couldn't finish my burger or drink. From then on, I felt sick. I had practice for Carols straight after lunch, but I felt so yuck. I got worse through the afternoon. When we had a break before the next run through, I decided that I couldn't stay. Later at home, I eventually chucked up. It wasn't pleasant... but now I feel much better. I still feel sick and weak, but my tummy isn't feeling gross like it was. Unfortunately it means that I can't work tomorrow because we have to stay away from work for 24 hours after being sick :(  Oh well, the plus side is that I get to go to the doctors tomorrow about my throat. I would have had to wait till Friday for the doctors if I was still working tomorrow. *Sigh* I'm sick of being sick.... This sore throat has gone on for 14 weeks now, and this will be my third visit to the doctors in the past 2 months... and all because of my sore throat. I'm hoping to be referred to an Ear Nose and Throat specialist. I have one week till the Carols production!