When high school finished, I was pretty scared to be leaving the security of uniforms, and formal schedules behind, to enter "the real world". The truth is, I never really entered "the real world" after leaving school. I thought that TAFE was the start of my journey in "the real world"... but it wasn't really, it was really the end of my journey before I entered "the real world"... I was scared before I settled in, but I found it quite comfortable after all. I made knew friends (although they weren't like my school ones) I found my way around, and I managed to stick to the timetable. TAFE was a lot like school, minus the uniforms, and the formality. My teachers didn't give me a detention for being late, and although I thought I would never feel comfortable in the clothes I have, I managed. The worst part was the assignments, being so big, and having so many of them. But I did it, and although I was insecure at times, I still managed. As I said, I thought I would be entering "the real world" when I went to TAFE, but I never did... and it was because I was still in education. I have been in education for 13 and a half years.... now it is over. Now I AM in the real world.... and it feels great to have graduated, but right now, I am feeling incredibly scared.
I was thrilled to have passed everything, because I had told everyone that as soon as I pass, I would have a break before I look for a job. I did have a lovely break, but now I have graduated and I am under pressure. Everyone is telling me that I need a job. Dad is pressuring me, and so many people have asked me if I have gotten one yet. It seems that everyone expects me to get a job. What they don't seem to know is that I expect myself to as well... I need a job before SMASH, so that I can go... but I just don't know if I have the guts to go for an interview. I have never had a job, and interviews sound scary! I also had a plan to renew my CPR before I went for any jobs, but I haven't gotten that far. Most of the Childcare Jobs that were up on Seek.com, required me to have First aid and CPR . Dad keeps bugging me to go get the CPR done, but I just haven't gotten around to it. I have no motivation. Auntie Jenny (who was a childcare worker) insists that regulations says that I don't need to have CPR to go for a job... she also reckons I should be a relief worker before I go full time. This ruins everything! Do I stick with my plan or follow Jenny's advice?
I am so confused. It doesn't help that I am scared, and It doesn't help that I have emotional problems still dwelling within me. What do I do?
It would be sensible to pray, to ask God for an answer, and to ask Him for confidence... but to be honest, I'm struggling with prayer. I am struggling with asking Him for help. I'm not sure why, I think I am just going through one of those stages. Satan is rubbing it in! I'm not motivated, I'm not confident, and I'm being pressured. Gee, this is a good start to Independence isn't it?
love -E- xx